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Pilot: "Control tower, what time is it?" Control Tower: "What airline is this?" Pilot: "What difference does that make?" Control Tower: "If it is United Airlines, it is 6:00pm, if it's TWA it is 1800 hours; if it's Ozark, the big hand is on the..." | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| oft host a pech | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any panties! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices." The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers." Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any panties either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments." With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's five pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some panties." Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no panties! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance. The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit." | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Semper et ubique | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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This guy went to the doctors and said, "Doctor, I'm having problems with my sex life!" | Doctor: "What do you mean?" Guy: "Well, I'm just not getting any." Doctor: "Look out the window then." Guy: "Oh yeah, I see that convent. Good idea Doctor!" Doctor: "Yes, but see that patch of mushrooms in front of it?" The guy looks across and sees a beautiful young nun picking mushrooms. The Doctor then says "Well, if you go place yourself underneath the mushrooms with only your dick sticking out, you certainly won't regret it." The next morning, the guy is lying underneath the patch of mushrooms, with his dick sticking out, as the Doctor had said, and the most beautiful young nun walks along with a basket. She starts picking mushrooms, while singing a little song: "One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four..., four..., four..., four..." The guy cannot believe it. He is enjoying this so much. That night while down at the pub, he is telling his story to his mates, and one of them (who is very drunk) decides to go and try this out for himself. So, that night he goes down to the convent, and places himself underneath the patch of mushrooms, and leaves his dick sticking out. In the morning, the fattest, most repulsive and butch nun comes along with her basket. She starts to pick mushrooms, while singing the same song: "One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four..., four..., four..., FOUR little mushrooms for my basket, five little mushrooms for my basket."
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